Bristol Palin has a new boyfriend.
What his name is and what he looks like, we have no idea. Yet. No idea YET. We know that's the only reason you're here, but chill. Give it a few hours.
Asked on KWHL's The Bob & Mark Show if she's really dating the 20-year-old Alaska pipeline worker, she said, "Are you guys getting personal with me, really?"
The hosts on the Anchorage-based show pushed her to just admit she has a new boyfriend, helpfully suggesting that she simple confirm this much:
"Yeah, you know what, I'm seeing a guy and he's really great and Tripp loves him and we're having a really good time and we're really good friends."
Bristol Palin laughed and said, "Yeah, we can go with that. I'm thrilled. I love the town that I live in. I love my house. Tripp's happy; he's healthy."
The house is her new five-bedroom abode in Maricopa, Ariz., she recently purchased for $172,000 and for which she "wrote a check," she says.
"It was cool. It made Dancing with the Stars worth it, for sure."
Palin, who ended her relationship with Levi Johnston, the father of her son Tripp, for a second time in August, wants to change Tripp's last name.
She hasn't gotten around to forcing the issue with Levi, who's got a new companion of his own in Sunny Oglesby, in quite a long while, though.
"Yeah, I've asked Levi to do it many times, get it out of the way, just sign over parental rights, but I don't know if he wants to or will," she said.
She says she's willing to live without child support if he does.
"Yeah, of course, I've asked him to do that many times – just say, 'Hey, look, let's just avoid this custody case and just sign over your rights.'"
"'He's always going to be your son, you can see him whenever you want,' but he doesn't want to sign him over because it looks bad," she said.
Asked how often Johnston sees Tripp, she said, "Since Dancing With the Stars he's seen him, at the most, three times." Only for like hours too.
Let this be a lesson to you, pipeline worker boyfriend guy. You best be there to care for Tripp, not just shoplift the pootie from a single mom.