If you think you're having a bummer day at work, just think of poor Johnny Depp.
Currently, Depp is promoting Mortdecai with a globetrotting press junket.
That might not sound so bad, until you consider the fact that Mortdecai is a hot pile of cinematic cow flop and Depp's traveling companion spends a good part of the day steam cleaning her vadge.
To make matters worse, the famously boozy star has to stay sober the whole time. Or does he?
You might remember Depp's drunk speech at the Hollywood Film Awards back in November.
That sloshed appearance resulted in increased scrutiny of Depp's drinking habits, which reportedly led to his fiancee Amber Heard demanding that he give up the hooch.
So it was widely reported that Depp quit drinking. But then he missed a press conference in Tokyo on Tuesday, and now it's widely being reported that he relapsed.
That's a more interesting reason than "he had a cold" or something lame like that, but it's not as good as the excuse that Depp gave for missing the event:
"I was attacked yesterday by a rarely seen or experienced animal called 'chupacabra,'" Depp told reporters. "I fought with it for hours: they're very persistent, very mean."
"I'm pretty sure it came into my suitcase. I threw him off the 23rd floor, so we;ll never see him again. Thank you for understanding."
There you have it. Johnny Depp: not drunk, just fighting off mythical, goat-eating monsters.
Hey man, we all have our own battles to fight...or something.
Oh well, whatever he's doing, at least he has a hot fiancee:
