Everything is a conspiracy if you're Randy and Evi Quaid.
The insane pair, having already alleged that the Star Whackers are coming to do them in (just as they have Heath Ledger, David Carradine and others), now say that gossip website Radar Online is a front owned and operated by the police.
BRINGING THE CRAZY: No one does it like the Quaids.
"Radar Online is owned by the police," she told Esquire. "They called the Dairy Queen in Marfa, Texas, to spread rumors about us when we lived there."
The celebrity gossip site denies it is owned by the police.
In an length interview, the Quaids talk about why they are seeking asylum in Canada from charges in California and about the roving gang of hooligans who, they say, are killing and/or trying to ruin the lives of their celebrity friends.
In addition to the deaths of Carradine and Ledger, the couple has mentioned Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen as other "targets" of the Star Whackers.
Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears better watch out, too.
It stops being as funny when Randy and Evi Quaid actually predict their own death - by stabbing, by double-hanging, or by lethal doses of Demerol.
"We're this close to solving our own murder," Evi Quaid said, without a hint of irony or humor. "It's the only way I'll be able to keep Randy alive."
All we have to say is that hopefully a whole team of top-notch psychiatrists and therapists will be covered under the Canadian health care system.