Ray Elbe, an Ultimate Fighter, was rushed to a Malaysian earlier this month after breaking his penis during intercourse.
No, really.
The grapper actually discusses the incident in detail below, explaining that "blood was everywhere" and he immediately passed out after his girlfriend came down a bit too hard on his erection:
Elbe says he underwent surgery to repair a tear in his urinary tube and has learned to never let his girlfriend be "on top" again.
But there is a sexy silver lining to this nausea-inducing injury.
"In an attempt to make it up to me ... [my girlfriend] has promised me a threesome of my choice when we get to the Philippines," he says. "Which usually has some solid talent."
So, hey, at least there's that.
Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to cross our legs really tighty for awhile...