Following a three-hour ceremony that felt about 16 times as long, the following actors, actresses and movies took home Academy Award gold this evening:
Best Cinematography: Hugo
Best Art Direction: Hugo
Best Costume Design: The Artist
Best Makeup: The Iron Lady
Best Foreign Language: A Separation
Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer
Best Film Editing: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Best Sound Editing: Hugo
Best Sound Mixing: Hugo
Best Documentary: Undefeated
Best Animated Feature Film: Rango
Best Visual Effects: Hugo
Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer
Best Original Score: The Artist
Best Original Song: Man or Muppet, The Muppets
Best Adapted Screenplay: Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash (The Descendants)
Best Original Screenplay: Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris)
Best Live Action Short: The Shore
Best Documentary Short Subject: Saving Face
Best Animated Short Film: The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
Best Director: Michel Hazanavious (The Artist)
Best Actor: Jean Dujardin
Best Actress: Meryl Streep
Best Picture: The Artist
NOTE: We blogged the event as it was happening. Read our quick takes below and then chime in with yours:
8:32 - George Clooney just kissed Crystal on the lips. And Rick Santorum just turned off the 84th annual Academy Awards.
8:35 - A Justin Bieber sighing, a Crystal impression of Sammy Davis Jr., a joke about the Holocaust AND a reference to The Princes Bride?!? Wow.
8:38 - Two things guaranteed to run long tonight: the Oscars program and Billy Crystal's tuxedo jacket.
8:46 - Robert Richardson wins Best Cinematographer for Hugo and says what we're all thinking: This category was first?!?
8:47 - Hugo also wins for Art Direction. One more win by the guy and he's going to be the favorite in the Michigan primary.
8:54 - They started a Great Movies of Our Time montage with Forest Gump, immediately followed by Breaking Dawn. The Oscars really are like a box of chocolates, apparently. Didn't see that one making the cut. Meanwhile... Was that an ad for movies during the Oscars? Pretty sure the audience is already sold.
(NOTE: We may be silent for the next 10 minutes while we try to determine if a nipple is sticking out of J. Lo's dress.)
8:58 - Mark Bridges of The Artist wins Best Costume Design.
9:00 - Mark Coulier and Jay Helland win Best Makeup for The Iron Lady. No, really. Turning a middle-aged white woman into a different middle-aged white woman beat the work done on Harry Potter.
9:02 - Clips of stars talking about their love for movies just went straight from Morgan Freeman to Adam Sandler. The Twilight Saga following Forest Gump suddenly seems logical by comparison.
9:04 - We were just told that Moneyball is the first baseball movie to receive an Oscar nomination since Field of Dreams. It's also like, the third baseball movie even made since Field of Dreams. So, really, this was just a random Rookie of the Year diss.
9:08 - Sandra Bullock speaks German? She has so much in common with Jesse James, who loves impersonating Germans. We should introduce them.
9:09 - A Separation wins Best Foreign Language Film. (NOTE: Israel is terrified of Iran's Oscar capabilities.)
9:14 - Octavia Spencer wins for Best Supporting Actress. Darn her for delivering a legitimately emotional, heartfelt speech we can't mock in any way.
9:23 - This skit just makes me wanna watch Best in Show. Not because it's funny. Because the Christopher Guest Players actually are funny in Best in Show. And where the heck is Jane Lynch?
9:27 - Kirk Baxter and Angul Wall win Best Editing for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Hugo wins for Best Sound Editing.
9:30 - Yup, Tiny Fey and Bradley Cooper are still on stage, presenting their third award: Best Sound Mixing to Hugo. Why couldn't Jennifer Lopez have stuck around this long?
9:35 - That scene from Happy Endings was the funniest part of the broadcast yet.
9:40 -Cirque du Soleil's interpretation of what it's like to go to the movies involves a lot of people in the audience getting up and dancing in front of the screen. Apparently, Cirque sees all of its movies uptown.
9:45 - Undefeated (except, of course, by time constraints and a dead mic) wins Best Documentary.
9:49 - Following the funniest opening of the night - thanks, Chris Rock - Rango wins Best Animated Feature Film.
9:59 - Following the second funniest opening of the night - thanks, Emma Stone and Ben Stiller! - Hugo wins for Best Visual Effects.
10:04 - Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Actor and becomes the oldest Oscar winner of all-time. To prove us deserves the trophy, he makes us believe that he's proud to be in the company of Jonah Hill.
10:13 - Thank you, Tom, for whipping the crrowd into a frenzy. Best Billy Crystal line of the night.
10:16 - The Artist wins Best Original Score.
10:21 - For a change, Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell do something wacky before announcing that Best Original Song goes to "Man or Muppet" from The Muppets.
10:30 - Jim Rash is part of the Best Adapted Screenplay team for The Descendants and kills us by imitating Angelina Jolie's leggy stance on stage.
10:32 - Woody Allen wins for Best Original Screenplay. But we're still laughing over Rash.
10:34 - Adam Sandler - yes, this Adam Sandler - says he's trying to make movies that tell the truth. We don't even have a joke here.
10:41 - Bridesmaids asked the question, "Can women really be funny?" The cast's Oscar banter partly answered it: not on awards shows. They tell us that The Shore wins Best Live Action Short. Okay, Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy saved this with their Scorsese drinking game. They tell us that Saving Face wins Best Documentary Short Subject. And then the women end their time on stage by handing Best Animated Short Film to The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore.
10:54 - The Descendants was "culturally depicted in the right way," according to Shailene Woodley. What culture was that? Rich Hawaiian whites? Yes, for too long, they've been depicted in all the wrong ways in movies.
10:56 - Michel Hazanavius wins Best Director for The Artist.
11:00 - The most impressive thing about honorary Oscar winner and make-up artist Dick Smith? He's only 34 years old.
11:08 - Billy Crystal has thought of his original Oscar producer every single of tonight's telecast because it was at his first hosting gig that any of his jokes tonight were fresh.
11:20 - Jean Dujardin wins Best Actor for The Artist.
11:27 - We feel awkward listening to Natalie Portman and Colin Firth personally address each Best Actor/Best Actress nominee. Couldn't they just have called Tweeted congrats to the nominees?
11:30 - Did Colin Firth just spoil the end of Mamma Mia?
11:31 - Meryl Streep wins Best Actress for The Iron Lady and Viola Davis looks visibly upset.
11:38 - The Artist wins Best Picture.