On the season finale of Teen Mom, everything came to a head. What did Farrah Abraham decide about moving? How did Maci Bookout leave things with Ryan Edwards? Does Gary Shirley have a career as a recording artist?
All questions we may not fully know the answers to until the reunion special and perhaps beyond, but still. Absolutely edge-of-your-seat, gripping TV.
Let's break down the third season finale of Teen Mom, THG style!
Farrah celebrated Sophia's second birthday by putting her cooking skills to work on a cake. We don't mean to sound harsh, but ... maybe it's time for a second career path? Or a different one altogether? Thing looked rank. Minus 6.
At least she tried, though. For once. Plus 3.
The motherhood thing? Not her style! Farrah is going to "grow into my own person" and "become whole again" by ditching her daughter in Iowa and going to school in Florida. Sophia will feel so loved watching this in a few years. Minus 25.
She decided to poignantly drive around and look at places that reminded her of Derek ... the guy she broke up with and accused of stalking her, and whose parents want to take Sophia away from her. Totally realistic portrayal. Minus 11.
Can Amber Portwood go a week without legal problems? Can Gary go a day without wearing the Aeropostale shirt? Unclear on both counts! Plus 5.
Big Daddy, for reasons unknown, picked up his guitar and composed a ballad to his girl. Would be better if we didn't know Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley just broke up for the 20th time, but hey, nice effort. Plus 9.
Amber to Leah: "Do you want mommy and daddy to be nice and not fight in front of you?" Better question would have been: "Do you want mommy to plead guilty to felony battery and/or child neglect?" Minus 14.
Ryan and Maci had an actual, normal-sounding discussion and agreed to get along for the sake of their son. Plus 12 for putting their differences aside.
Ryan, after his dad encouraged him to go back to school, "Do I need another trade though?" Dad: "It's better than sleeping." PWNED!!!!!!!!!!! Plus 9.
Bentley calls his place "Mimi's house." Just saying. Minus 4, Ry, you ass.
We feel like we're "un-f*%king-glued" sitting through this. Minus 3.
Maci, at age 19, wants Kyle to get down on one knee NOW, 'cause she "can't wait that long" for a commitment. Minus 8 for the stupidity of that statement, but Plus 10 for Kyle sagely telling her to be patient.
Catelynn and Tyler take part in a scripted story in which adopted daughter Carly attends their high school graduation so as to keep them on the show for whatever reason MTV decided they must do so. Minus 12.
Butch and his mullet are sent back to prison after failing a drug test. Minus 6, because we really had hopes for that felon and his epic hair.
Cate and Ty are definitely our picks to get pregnant again first. Plus 5.
EPISODE TOTAL: -41. SEASON TOTAL: -42.