The script on this week's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills called for major drama between Kim Zolciak and NeNe Leakes. Fortunately for viewers, as reviewed by our intern below, the actresses did not disappoint...
The acrylics were razor sharp and the weaves were flying in Atlanta this week as the ladies' egos were unleashed in full force.
The Kim and Kandi "Unmagical Unmysterious" bus tour is going anything but smoothly. Kim's constant demands for smoke breaks has delayed the schedule and aggravated Kandi. Waking up at the crack of dawn, hollering for Sweetie as if she were Jackie Gleason on shore leave, Kim's bitchiness and constant demands for B-12 shots and booze have fried Kandi's nerves. So has Kim's invitation for Nene to join them.
ENene's on-air segment with Jermaine Dupri finally airs and Kim and Kandi watch it on the bus. Edited to make it appear as if Jermaine "Munchkin" Dupri actually has a personality, Kim is not amused when Nene brings her up. 32 is too old for a hit song? Kim is ready to kill Nene.
Phaedra invites Cynthia and Sheree over for lunch, which she prepares herself. She is, after all, "Martha Stewart all day." Cynthia discussedsbeing overwhelmed by all the wedding preparations and being absolutely ready to get away for her bachelorette party in Miami. Especially after Ayden throws up all over her.
The bus tour from hell continues its trek through the South and arrives back in Georgia. Stopping at The GA Pig, a BBQ joint, Kim is horrified. She does not eat meat but she sure does drink.
Danny the bus driver manages to scrounge up a bottle of wine and some lawn chairs for Kim and Sweetie and sets them up in true trailer trash style on the side of the road, in front of the bus. Derek J, Kim's hair stylist, traipses around Dixieland in his Daisy Dukes and stilettos and accuses Kim of looking like a slavemaster. All Kandi wants to know is, how many hours to Orlando?
Cynthia and old man Peter get into a raging, tear-filled argument when old man Peter tells Cynthia he officially shut down Uptown. How are they going to pay for the wedding now? And, more importantly, how will Cynthia get her money back? Needing $20,000 for the wedding, old man Peter tells Cynthia not to worry and that he will take care of everything, but Cynthia's trust issues bubble to the surface.
Dropping F-bombs and accusing Cynthia of not being able to handle stress, prickly Pete makes Cynthia dissolve into a crying heap. He manages to show some emotion and tries to console her by telling her he'll never tell her anything again. Lovely.
Arriving in Florida, Kim gets a call from her eight-year-old daughter, Ariana. Crying hysterically, the little girl misses her Mama and wants her back. Actually showing a maternal side, Kim questions whether going on tour and being away from her kids is a good idea. Ever-faithful Sweetie consoles Kim and reminds her that she's blessed. Kim feels but agrees. The show must go on.
Stopping at a hair salon for a meet and greet, Kim continues her bitchfest, while Kandi keeps quiet until Sweetie pushes her to her breaking point. Bolting off the bus barefoot, the bus tour gang teases Sweetie about hanging around white people for too long. Sweetie is not amused and loudly gripes about it to Kim. Britney Spears she is not! Kandi can't handle Sweetie's attitude anymore and lets her have it in front of a crowd of fans. Sweetie's not throwing Kandi off her game.
What else can you expect from bare-footed, wig-wearing white people?!?
Over lunch, Nene and Maloria, Cynthia's sister, advise Cynthia to postpone the wedding until old man Peter's financial issues sort themselves out. Nene warn Cynthia that if old man Peter is not being upfront with her about money issues before the marriage it'll only get worse afterward. Complaining that old man Peter's become a nightmare to be around, Cynthia wonders whether to take their advice. Nene and Maloria tell Cynthia not to get caught up in the wedding. Delusional Cynthia decides everything will be okay once she and prickly Pete are married. Yeah...okay.
Phaedra and Apollo fix breakfast and discuss whether a man or a woman is better at raising a baby. Georgia's answer to Martha Stewart, Phaedra needs to get away for the weekend because juggling motherhood and a career are stressing her out. More than happy to get Phaedra out of his hair for the weekend, Apollo basically pushes her out the door. But not before Phaedra calls her mom as back-up for Apollo.
The bus tour finally gets to its last stop in Orlando. In an actual hotel for the night, Kim plots her attack on Nene for her earlier on-air comments to Dupri. How dare a 42-year-old intern comment on a wannabe 32-year-old pop singer? Nene gets to the hotel and hans out with Kim while Kim geys ready for the gig.
But the back and forth insults between Kim and Nene once again get on Kandi's nerves. When did this tour become the Kim and Nene show? Not impressed when Nene sees that Kim is "performing" at a strip mall club, Nene is surprised when the crowd actually likes Kim's karaoke act.
The poop finally hit the fan when, back on the bus and heading to Miami, Nene's bluntness rears its nasty head. Having had enough of Nene's cattiness and jealousy, Kim tells Nene to shut up. Nene goes ballistic and tells Kim that, unlike Sweetie, she is not Kim's slave and will not be told what to do. The insults fly back and forth and Nene attempts to strangle Kim. Yes, again.
Meanwhile, Phaedra, Cynthia and Sheree arrive in Miami expecting a peaceful weekend. Unbeknownst to them, like a ravenous shark making a beeline towards a bloody piece of meat, a busload of trouble is zooming down the highway.
Let the battle royale begin!